I’m not going to pretend that the last month hasn’t been painful; it was filled with moments of great optimism contrasted with heart-wrenching disappointment. Not getting the graduate job was frustrating, but more than anything, it disrupted the predetermined path I had drawn up for my life. It was this revelation that was the most difficult to swallow – my “life plan” had fallen to pieces on the graduate office floor.
For a number of months I’ve been a work-a-holic. I had a lot I wanted to prove when I first returned to Pitt in August of 2009, including that I was talented, capable, and worthy of responsibility and trust. I proved that. In the process I sacrificed balance. I wrapped my self worth up in my work. And while work opened doors, fostered friendships, and created an atmosphere for me to rebuild my self esteem in the first place, it left me closed off to healthy relationships, happiness, fun and myself.
In this post I asked February for a new job, and well, Cupid must have skipped that post. Because a new job I do not have. But I got something better ~ fresh perspective on everything “old.”
By admitting how much not getting the job really hurt this past Wednesday, I’ve been able to come out on the other side with a fresh perspective on something old ~ my completely true self. I’ve already started to move in a positive direction with interpersonal relationships, a direction characterized by fun, honesty and spontaneity. I’m working hard to bring back the “me time” that got lost in the craziness. I’m searching for my creativity and I think I know where its hiding.
And most importantly, I know the kind of balance I want to create and I’m confident its possible. I’m 26 and doing pretty well for myself. I don’t need to have a detailed plan with 27 steps. I can just breathe, create, laugh, and see where life takes me. And for me, that’s a pretty fresh perspective.
“It’s a brand new day. It’s a brand new day.
For the first time in such a long, long time.
I know, I’ll be ok.” ~Brand New Day by Joshua Radin.
Special thanks to JL and JML for all your love and support this week.